welcome to the exact center of the universe

2006-06-03T21:35:00.000-07:00

I'm really bad at this blog thing. But i guess should or the world will burn or something. or something. I haven't talked to my dad since christmas. huray. Im in North Carolina. Doin the North Carolina thang. It is not fun. More on this subject later. Now chinese food.

2006-02-18T18:45:00.000-08:00

Wow. this thing still exists. It really has no purpose anymore, i mean no one reads this. And I really have no more connections outside my family to my former life and what not. I'm gonna go play video games.

2005-10-09T10:21:00.000-07:00

okay, so its been what, three months since I posted? Right now I'm in Arizona on an army base waiting to start classes. I'd really like to say hi to some of my old friends, but I dont think theread this so I'll have to find some other means of communicating.

Basic at Fort Sill, with out a doubt was one of the most miserable times of my life. And consequently I no longer feel any poetic or creative energy resides in me. Any ways I'll write later in more detail of my ... escapades.

2005-06-17T21:42:00.000-07:00

I no longer live with Curt, my father. I'm living almost on the UT campus in an apartment I share with my brother, Zach and a mutual friend, Jackie. As far as I know, Curt is living in a trailer that he has described as "funky."

Not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post but I graduated from High School on May 26th.

Only few days before I leave for Sill. I leave June 29th I think and start on the 30th.

I have to be the only one living in this apartment that isn't a pot head, so it naturally comes to light that pot heads are annoying. Whenever Jackie gets stoned she always takes her chinchilla out of its cage allowing the rodent to run around for a couple of hours. During the course of the animal's freedom it will get stuck under fridge or chew on my art pencils or eat part of a book and most likely defecate or urinate somewhere. But whats worse hearing both stoned and sober people cry out the chinchilla's name in a baby-talk voice. "IBIZA!" they shreak and all I can do is duck my head and grit my teeth to keep me from gouging their eyes out.

I've been trying to (re)evaluate my life for the past two days or so. Normally life is up for constant review in my mind, but the days are noteworthy somehow. Mainly the grandois philosophical quandary right now is am I doing the right the thing? Going into the army, I feel like I am leaving everything behind. However that is what I've been wanting isn't it? A clean slate, if there is such a thing. I didn't want this life. I'll build my own. Forget the ones that I painfully loved and longed for. Escape the the ones the tormented and molded me into monster for longer should have allowed. The scars however will be apart of my luggage despite my desires.

2005-04-20T22:29:00.001-07:00

February 26th I joined the Army and I am on the delayed entry program (D.E.P.s). I will be at Fort Sill, OK, the 30th of june for Basic training. Had to get that out the way. Honestly I am a little exicted. I never supported a war with/in Iraq, but I do differentiate between the soldiers and the war itself, no matter how many of them believe in the occupation of that country.

In other news, I feel like whatever power/motivation/energy that I employ to make art has returned to me just tonight. It is a very exciting time in the existance on history and a lot of us here inside of me are very excited ( I assign sentiency to my sentiency). This is a source of much of joy and I feel extremely spirited because of this.

"Zebraman" is the coolest movie ever.

2005-01-16T00:03:00.000-08:00

I am in the misted off a great a artsitic depression, the damage of which willed uncurable. Art is the only the im good at, but I dont believe I'm excel enough at it. All I want is, for once, is to the best at something. Not to feel jealous at someones labors. Im so sick and tired of being at the bottom, and need to disgrace these super intellectual, perfect-SAT-scoring assholes. But what does their fruits of labor buy them? I wouldn't know. I dont live their lives. I wonder if this all ties into my brother being an math genius. I dont mean " oh gee golly he sure is whiz at math!" No, I mean he is a fucking genius.

I used to think Im gonna go to some art school, blossom become a great artist and go in history. Or maybe it is more accurate dream or hope. Now i think Im going to join the army and die in Iraq. It seems so much easier have my fate decided for like that. It won't accomplish anything and that very relieving. The knowledge of mortality grants me freedom from wanting to be great because, being a world renowned artist blah blah blah, wouldnt accomplish anything.

One day i will die. But these are not my last words.

Perhaps i should not hinder me becoming great if for no other than durpass and mock those who are currently better than I.

2005-01-10T23:50:00.000-08:00

Im begining to lose feeling. A numbing infecting the body from the inner mind. When I graduate i will leave this place. I'll be escaping to a place which i am not aware of currently. That place will be no better. there wont be anything there. there is nothing here except people and buildings. Nor do mountains and trees satisfy me. But perhaps solitude would.

2004-12-05T21:30:00.000-08:00

Music: Radiohead- Paranoid Android

Mood: Neutral with a hint of bitchy

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 18. The only thing standing in my way to get my grumy little hands on pron and cigarettes now is the fact that my dad lost my brith certificate, so there is no conceavable way to prove my age. And as I look like am 14 or 15, being able to proove my identity is a wee bit important.

Right now I am reading Hamlet. act 3. scene 2. so far. Harray for English class. It is the only class I look foward to and the only class that makes me feel like a moron.

But Webmastering is thoroughly frustrating. The guy who sits nexts to me is a complete ass hole. He so ugly that when i look at him I want to beat his head into the tiled floor, evn though I know that only make him uglier and cause me to beat him more. And his whole holier-than-thou,hey-its-time-to-be-sarcastic-for-no-reason isnt a saving grace. Teachers being too lazy to teach sure helps. I loathe that class. Good thing it is only 50 minutes long.

Mom got me a copy of "Journey to the End of the Night" by Celine for my grandoise birthyday. I do intend to read it.

OH FUCK MY ASSS!! I dint write that 500 word essay defending an essay. Time to get groovy...

2004-09-25T22:14:00.000-07:00

I really dont know if I like how every thing is right now. Austins' fine and the apartments nice, but my dad is ruining it for me. He never shuts up and he doesnt dehave like he's in reality-land. We've been in Austin a few days over a month and he's gotten a job. I'm preoccupied with school and im only 17, I can't support us. The people at school are either asinine or too clever for there own good and are snobby to boot. I dont want friends anymore. I want seclusion. There is no more room for everybody else's lies and insecurities.

In slightly related topic, my aunt wont give my dad the money for his land. She post dated a check for 10,000 for Jan 1. My dad relied too much on that check, so thats why he hasnt tried very hard to get a job. No back up plan.

2004-09-17T02:08:00.001-07:00

After two weeks of putting up with bullshit from everyone and everything (execpt kat who gave me advise) I finaly managed to finish writing my essay on 1984. Right now I'm looking at the blinking lights on the computer with the feeling of over whelming triumph. I remember feeling like this after reading Brother Karamazov. God I have to pee. I want to pee and pee and pee.

2004-08-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

Good news for me, bitches! The apartment my dad applied for approved him. This means tomorrow, he will sign the lease and I will be able to move to Austin - finaly breaking the "Nacogdoches Magnet Curse." The invisible thing that prevents people from leaving a dead end little town in middle of nowhere. I'm sure every person in some small town in America's diabolical midwest knows what i'm talking about. Especially Dr.Worm.

2004-08-03T10:30:00.000-07:00

This darned thing wasn't letting me post until now. Sooooo... lets see whats new. Friday, my dad applied for an apartment in Austin. We do not know if we have been approved to move there, but I do hope so. Later that day, my dad got a phone call. Adam Spears, a friend of my brother Zach, was killed in a car crash. Very tragic.

Saw "The Village," it was good. guessing I'll be in Nac for a few more days, even if "the apartment people" give the okay to move in. Withdrew from NISD today.

Can't think, caffine crashing.

2004-07-12T20:19:00.000-07:00

Been in San Diego since the 27th of June visiting my eldest brother. To get to San Diego I had to fly from Austin because the only cheap flights were from Austin. Cheap being under 400$. Austin is a 5 hour drive from where I live. This was the first time flying for me. Can't complain. I never relised how fertile East Texas was until I was 10,000 feet above the desert.

A lot of shit happened while I was away. One of my friend parents died after very long battle with brain cancer. Two other friends broke up a relationship that I'm guessing is 2 years old. I really feel bad considering I wasn't around for my friends. I mean I WAS in california and I doubt I could prevent a person from dying or the end a relationship, but I feel like I was MIA when I might have been needed.

But on with my trip. First day I was there my brother bought me a helmet for his motorcycle (he drives a Kowasaki Ninja) and drove me around for an hour or so. The next day I just hung out with his roommate Jesse while he was at work until about 7 when we (Courtland, Jesse and I) went to see F 9/11. Everything was pretty uneventful until Saturday. Saturday watched Spider man 2. Whoopee. Sunday went to the Zoo. People are always saying how San Diego has an awsome zoo, but I felt mislead. But Maybe I felt that way because I let myself be stupid and pay 14$ for a damn disposable camera. Being riped off can do that I imagine. And so for another week I sat around my brothers apartment and played video games all day. A couple times I went outside and walked around neighborhoods or went the outdoor mall that was across the street. Well Actually my brother doesn't live in San Diego, he lives in La Jolla, but the two cities are so close there isn't really a big difference between them. Thursday night and Friday night my brother took me to his place of work. Basically he helps a video game company, Midway, test the video games. Its not as fun as it sounds. His job actually very tedious and requires a person to be very specific as to what they find that is wrong. To dumb it down , he is a glitch finder. Saturday the 10 my brother, two other friends of his and I went to the beach and swam around in the cold ass water. This sea water is the reason San Diego doesnt get a lot of rain and can be 68 degrees in summer. Left San Diego yesterday and arrived back in Austin around 7 o'clock. I did not set foot inside my house until 1 o'clock this morning.

2004-05-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

Today, May 27, 2004, was the last day of my junior high school year. I DEMAND a round APPLAUSE and WOOTS. I pretended to feel remorseful about leaving my fellow school yard chums, but inside, I could care less. I hate most of them. MOST of them, their are exeptions. But even the ones I dont hate, I still wont miss. It's not like ever hung out with any of them. I hung out with college students, who I don't even see anymore soooo.... fuck 'em.

Dad, has been talking about moving to Austin instead of Houston. Doesn't make a big difference to me. As long as I leave this God forsaken city. Literaly, God HAS forsaken this place. Fallen angels roam the lands in search of life to consume. To Devour. Men in purple and black pinstrip suits and navy derbies hike from door to door selling life insurance. It's horrible.

If I do move to a large city then I shall begin the zee job hunt. And probably go clubing once i befriend the "guy-at-the-door" or turn eighteen in December.

YATTA!

2004-05-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

Usualy, I don't read the over dramatic blogs of the people I know. And drama isnt linked to JUST the people I know. Almost all blogger are over-dramatic. But, getting back to the subject, I did just read some blogs. Gossip, angst, and bad or cliche relationship (not that I can talk having never been in a relationship with any one ever) is all that I found. I suppose I'm being hipocritical, but sometimes in order to make a point one must be a hipocrit. Those blogs, ther're all attacking each other. Why? What caused hatred between friends?

2004-05-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to do some spontaneous writing here so don't expect this to sound coherent.

Green magnesium. seheriphem drinking bullets. Guzzeling gasoline to quench thirst. Red porcelein rims corruption. Him and his corpus fervent riding. Jelly ice-cicle. Looking at the sun moon. Occult socilogy determining the fortune of the presidency. Ferminting opera tomarrow for changing abortion precedings. Cornocopia hallogen free-on dismemberment. killroy godawful toys publication annexation . jurrasic jerry form hell norway considering prople of opposite creationist policies. extraction frollicing put out on 31 date. Him and him and her and her. Dirt cycle brought byron . drought yields fantasies. Gary coupling with fredonia hotel. apostraphe godless gensburg.

That took about ten minutes. i should go faster. I really don't any of my friends dreams to die, this town just breaks people. If I gave to join the military and kill to get of this town I will. In a nut shell: I will kill to get out of Nacogdoches. Some people have noted that I am already mentally capable of killing. Some people would say they don't know but...eh.

Not that I'm condoning killing or saying that I should. But I just might be able to, but not in any Collembine (spelling?) fashion. I wonder exactly has led me to be homicidal. But I shouldn't focus on the combat perspective to musch. I'd be joining the army in hope of getting stationed in Germany somewhere else in europe (maybe Japan). I'm sure there'd be a way to get stationed in a place of my choosing. there has to be. Its so ironic because im barely over 5 feet tall (I think 5'2 or 5'3) and artsy. I can do math and literature fine but I'm not sure how practical art is in the military.

2004-05-05T18:30:00.000-07:00

There is this black spot on my right hand. How did it get there? I probably grabed a wretched pen. We humans are so primative. Our slave-labor notions and infintely polluting machines have reached unstopable momentum. Heng on 21st century here we come.

Wait. What the fuck am I saying. I don't care about life! Soon I shall sleep. I didn't at all last night. My writing is very constipated. Goodbye.

2004-04-27T20:44:00.000-07:00

MOOD : MOODY AS HELL

MUSIC : Voltaire - Dead Girls

The government of the U.S. of A. now has the power to fight terrorists by surveying blogs for terrorists. Well, we can all sleep a little easier now that the inter-web (I prefer to call it the inter-web, so Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you and fuck you) is safe again. Exept 8 years old can still find porn. So the inter-web isnt safe for them yet.

Today I took the TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skill). It was as fun putting you face in a wood chipper, and then dipping it in alcohol and finally into hot wax. Now for those of you who read this and would find that fun, try staring blankly at a carboard box or a wall for give ir take 50 hours. And if this still amuses you, then you are just weird.

and here now for you viewing pleasure is a conversation with a friend over Yahoo messanger.

didsomebodyspikethepunch: haw haw.... brb, gettin' a grapefruit
didsomebodyspikethepunch: back
omgwtfaslbbq: damn strait...
omgwtfaslbbq: so now the gov'n has the right to track down terrorists through blogs. because you know how terrorists love livejournal.com
didsomebodyspikethepunch: !!!!!!
didsomebodyspikethepunch: oh my god.
omgwtfaslbbq: or the power to I suppose i should say
omgwtfaslbbq: I keep getting this image in head...
didsomebodyspikethepunch: o.o
omgwtfaslbbq: of these three FBI agents hanging out in the coffee lounge, and one them says some thing like "Oh my gawd, Nikita_666 Boy friend cheated on her."
omgwtfaslbbq: and one them replies " that bastard." this is what I believe the outcome will be.
didsomebodyspikethepunch: !!!!
omgwtfaslbbq: In fact thats what I belive fbi agents do any ways... I also have reason to suspect this is what Daina Skuly and Fox Moulder did in their free time...
didsomebodyspikethepunch: they're reading my blog right now >.>
didsomebodyspikethepunch: my last post is a link to dolphin pr0n.
omgwtfaslbbq: Now I'm not saying thats worng... No, fuck it, that wrong...."
didsomebodyspikethepunch: lol. yes. yes it is
didsomebodyspikethepunch: and that's why i posted it
didsomebodyspikethepunch: this grapefruit takes exactly like an orange. that fucking sucks
didsomebodyspikethepunch: if it's an orange, it is one HUGE orange.
omgwtfaslbbq: did you read my blog, bitch!?
didsomebodyspikethepunch: not today....
omgwtfaslbbq: you best not aint be no fuckin' FBee I
omgwtfaslbbq: I havent updated yet.
didsomebodyspikethepunch: aww

Wasnt that special? Now get!

2004-04-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

I am itchy, oh so itchy. I am always complaing about my itchy, flesh and think to myself " Cant I just shed my skin, and become skinless?" Then I relise, I did that, I would get sick and throw-up.

Something thats been on mind lately ( other than itchyness) is whether or not i wont to join the armed forces. Perhaps I just want to kill another person with a machine pumping round after round into the blood filled lungs. And sometimes its not like that at all, sometimes, I want to go to an art school and splater paint everywhere.

The other day i was reading the a book by Dostoevsky called "The Brothers Karamazov." There is a passage I hold very dear to me. "... Heres a picture that I found very interesting. Imagine a nursing infant in the arms of its trembling mother, surrounded by Turks. They've thought up an amusong trick: they fondle the bady, they laugh to hake it laugh, and they succeed -- the baby laughs. At thatmoment a Turk aims a pistol at it,four inches from its face. the baby laughs gleefully, reaches out its little hands to grab the pistol, and suddenly the artist pulls the trigger right in its face and shatters it little head. . . Artistic isn't it? By the way, they say the Turks are very found of sweets." One must understand I did not know that Turks like candy, I hope this knowledge about sweets will help me one day.

I will end with the words some filthy hippy said to me once : If all rivers flow to Ocean, then we must assume that the Ocean is not yet full.