Saturday, June 03, 2006
I'm really bad at this blog thing. But i guess should or the world will burn or something. or something. I haven't talked to my dad since christmas. huray. Im in North Carolina. Doin the North Carolina thang. It is not fun. More on this subject later. Now chinese food.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Wow. this thing still exists. It really has no purpose anymore, i mean no one reads this. And I really have no more connections outside my family to my former life and what not. I'm gonna go play video games.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
okay, so its been what, three months since I posted? Right now I'm in Arizona on an army base waiting to start classes. I'd really like to say hi to some of my old friends, but I dont think theread this so I'll have to find some other means of communicating.
Basic at Fort Sill, with out a doubt was one of the most miserable times of my life. And consequently I no longer feel any poetic or creative energy resides in me. Any ways I'll write later in more detail of my ... escapades.
Basic at Fort Sill, with out a doubt was one of the most miserable times of my life. And consequently I no longer feel any poetic or creative energy resides in me. Any ways I'll write later in more detail of my ... escapades.
Friday, June 17, 2005
I no longer live with Curt, my father. I'm living almost on the UT campus in an apartment I share with my brother, Zach and a mutual friend, Jackie. As far as I know, Curt is living in a trailer that he has described as "funky."
Not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post but I graduated from High School on May 26th.
Only few days before I leave for Sill. I leave June 29th I think and start on the 30th.
I have to be the only one living in this apartment that isn't a pot head, so it naturally comes to light that pot heads are annoying. Whenever Jackie gets stoned she always takes her chinchilla out of its cage allowing the rodent to run around for a couple of hours. During the course of the animal's freedom it will get stuck under fridge or chew on my art pencils or eat part of a book and most likely defecate or urinate somewhere. But whats worse hearing both stoned and sober people cry out the chinchilla's name in a baby-talk voice. "IBIZA!" they shreak and all I can do is duck my head and grit my teeth to keep me from gouging their eyes out.
I've been trying to (re)evaluate my life for the past two days or so. Normally life is up for constant review in my mind, but the days are noteworthy somehow. Mainly the grandois philosophical quandary right now is am I doing the right the thing? Going into the army, I feel like I am leaving everything behind. However that is what I've been wanting isn't it? A clean slate, if there is such a thing. I didn't want this life. I'll build my own. Forget the ones that I painfully loved and longed for. Escape the the ones the tormented and molded me into monster for longer should have allowed. The scars however will be apart of my luggage despite my desires.
Not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post but I graduated from High School on May 26th.
Only few days before I leave for Sill. I leave June 29th I think and start on the 30th.
I have to be the only one living in this apartment that isn't a pot head, so it naturally comes to light that pot heads are annoying. Whenever Jackie gets stoned she always takes her chinchilla out of its cage allowing the rodent to run around for a couple of hours. During the course of the animal's freedom it will get stuck under fridge or chew on my art pencils or eat part of a book and most likely defecate or urinate somewhere. But whats worse hearing both stoned and sober people cry out the chinchilla's name in a baby-talk voice. "IBIZA!" they shreak and all I can do is duck my head and grit my teeth to keep me from gouging their eyes out.
I've been trying to (re)evaluate my life for the past two days or so. Normally life is up for constant review in my mind, but the days are noteworthy somehow. Mainly the grandois philosophical quandary right now is am I doing the right the thing? Going into the army, I feel like I am leaving everything behind. However that is what I've been wanting isn't it? A clean slate, if there is such a thing. I didn't want this life. I'll build my own. Forget the ones that I painfully loved and longed for. Escape the the ones the tormented and molded me into monster for longer should have allowed. The scars however will be apart of my luggage despite my desires.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
February 26th I joined the Army and I am on the delayed entry program (D.E.P.s). I will be at Fort Sill, OK, the 30th of june for Basic training. Had to get that out the way. Honestly I am a little exicted. I never supported a war with/in Iraq, but I do differentiate between the soldiers and the war itself, no matter how many of them believe in the occupation of that country.
In other news, I feel like whatever power/motivation/energy that I employ to make art has returned to me just tonight. It is a very exciting time in the existance on history and a lot of us here inside of me are very excited ( I assign sentiency to my sentiency). This is a source of much of joy and I feel extremely spirited because of this.
"Zebraman" is the coolest movie ever.
In other news, I feel like whatever power/motivation/energy that I employ to make art has returned to me just tonight. It is a very exciting time in the existance on history and a lot of us here inside of me are very excited ( I assign sentiency to my sentiency). This is a source of much of joy and I feel extremely spirited because of this.
"Zebraman" is the coolest movie ever.
Sunday, January 16, 2005
I am in the misted off a great a artsitic depression, the damage of which willed uncurable. Art is the only the im good at, but I dont believe I'm excel enough at it. All I want is, for once, is to the best at something. Not to feel jealous at someones labors. Im so sick and tired of being at the bottom, and need to disgrace these super intellectual, perfect-SAT-scoring assholes. But what does their fruits of labor buy them? I wouldn't know. I dont live their lives. I wonder if this all ties into my brother being an math genius. I dont mean " oh gee golly he sure is whiz at math!" No, I mean he is a fucking genius.
I used to think Im gonna go to some art school, blossom become a great artist and go in history. Or maybe it is more accurate dream or hope. Now i think Im going to join the army and die in Iraq. It seems so much easier have my fate decided for like that. It won't accomplish anything and that very relieving. The knowledge of mortality grants me freedom from wanting to be great because, being a world renowned artist blah blah blah, wouldnt accomplish anything.
One day i will die. But these are not my last words.
Perhaps i should not hinder me becoming great if for no other than durpass and mock those who are currently better than I.
I used to think Im gonna go to some art school, blossom become a great artist and go in history. Or maybe it is more accurate dream or hope. Now i think Im going to join the army and die in Iraq. It seems so much easier have my fate decided for like that. It won't accomplish anything and that very relieving. The knowledge of mortality grants me freedom from wanting to be great because, being a world renowned artist blah blah blah, wouldnt accomplish anything.
One day i will die. But these are not my last words.
Perhaps i should not hinder me becoming great if for no other than durpass and mock those who are currently better than I.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Im begining to lose feeling. A numbing infecting the body from the inner mind. When I graduate i will leave this place. I'll be escaping to a place which i am not aware of currently. That place will be no better. there wont be anything there. there is nothing here except people and buildings. Nor do mountains and trees satisfy me. But perhaps solitude would.
